Listen, the first five minutes of this one are…challenging. We’re not going to lie to you. But if you stick with it, you’re going to get an extremely merry, horrifyingly early episode celebrating elves of all kinds! And also, murder, a little, but only for a few minutes.

It’s episode ten, which means it’s time to celebrate! Don’t worry, though—we’ve got a fun, cool, designated driver to get you home safe. What’s her name? Don’t ask us. She’s got, like, ten of them. Don’t ask Tom, in particular.

Folks, we tried to make another Halloween creation, but November done came along and compelled us to make the hottest Thanksgiving movie of 2018. It’s kind of like The Santa Clause, but if Tim Allen was a turkey? Maybe you should just listen.

Celebrate pre-Halloween with an EXTRA SPOOKY episode. But also, maybe the real monster was man? I think we all learn something.

Also: r/Borat, Two Minutes of Basic Math, Eat Wall, Lab Sin, He’s Fine, Ouroborat

Not to spoil anything, but something pretty historic happens in this one. Unfortunately, Tom spends about five minutes eating sushi, so nobody will listen long enough to find out.

Also: Pork Syringe, A Brief Foray Into The Beach Boys, A Hotel California Misunderstanding, Herbalism Kit, Light Ham, Dickknees

Do tieflings just exist because they’re kind of hot? Are feelings allowed in the man cave? Have we found our nemesis? Answers to these questions and more in today’s Starting Tools.

Also: DOGS ALLOWED, Film Class Update, Who Do Men Like?, 5166, Review Juice

This episode marks the end of Starting Tools. Keep your eyes out for a new, cool, relevant podcast, where we recap the best film of 2003.

Also: Mike’s Hard Adventure, Dadiator, Lawful Dad, This Filthy Thing?, Bardic Inspiration, CITH Fancast

Love pirates? Bored by Jack Sparrow ripoffs? Searching for a strong female character? Look no further than MENACIN’ MAGGIE!

Also: Jeff Bezos Interview, Marsha Weapons, Nine Bundles of Dude, Squirrel Interlude, A Weirdly Justified Foot Fetish Backstory

What makes a man a man? What makes a horse a horse? We, for one, think it’s the cursed arm, but that’s just us.

Also: Life-Sized Velociraptor, Mike Myers Impression Corner, Kazoo Voice, Kentucky Derby Names, Burgoo Panic, Boyhood 2: Electric Boogaloo

(There’s a little bit of an echo on this one. We hope you enjoy it anyway!)

In today’s episode, we create the worst boy of all time, and we also fuck the rules pretty bad. We’re sorry.

Also: A Nasty Scam Man, 15 Sporks, Shitty Dex, Little Bag Of Sand, Creative Uses For Prestidigitation, Tom Ruins Audio Forever